Epiphany
by ringanybells
Summary: Just a little window into Veronica's mind after the cafeteria scene in season 3. LoVe.


Veronica watched Logan walk away. She was torn. Part of her wanted to chase after him, look into his eyes like she had that day so many years ago on the second floor balcony of the Camelot. She wondered if his eyes would say the same things now that they had said then. She was almost positive they would. She's heard it in his tone of voice, read it in his posture. He truly was sorry that his actions had hurt her. He didn't mean for that to happen, but the fact remained, somehow he always did. Which was why she was rooted to the spot. Her heart wanted to forgive him, had forgiven him, but her head, oh well that was another matter entirely.

Her head wanted to know why she kept falling for him. She should be pissed at him for beating up Gorya, because she had asked him not too. Instead she was terrified that Gorya's threat might actually come to pass. And the very thought of a life _without_ Logan made it hard for her to breath. Yes, she and Logan had their problems, but in the end, they had each other. Veronica knew in that moment that Logan was her other half. Not Piz, the innocent buffoon staring at her from across the cafeteria, but Logan the one guy besides her father and Wallace whom she could count on to stand by her no matter what.

If she was honest with herself, she'd seen it coming. There had been little clues for days, clues she'd refused to accept because she was so desperate to try and prove she could live without Logan. She'd known as she sat on Piz's bed, next to him, listening to the bug she'd planted. He'd interrupted her to say something sentimental or sappy or cute, she couldn't even remember. That's not how the P.I. shtick was run; the investigation came first, not the relationship. Piz had trouble accepting that, Logan never had.

If that hadn't been a big enough clue, the scene right here in this very cafeteria mere days ago should have been an even bigger tip off. She didn't walk away from fights, ever. Someone pushed her, she pushed back, harder. It's the way she'd been since high school, since the 09 crowd had 'pushed' her into bed against her will. She didn't know how to turn the other cheek; it wasn't in her genetic code anymore. Veronica Mars did not just stand idly by while some lowlife tore her down. She gave as good as she got, and then some. But Piz was a good guy; he was a 'look the other way' kind of guy. He was the kind of guy who didn't understand why she needed to fight back.

But Logan knew. He understood better than almost anyone else why she couldn't just walk away from a fight. Maybe it was a Neptune thing, because Weevil and Dick both understood it as well, so did Mac, though she might not be as vocal about her rebuttal. But Wallace? He could walk away, he could forgive and forget. For the crowd raised in Neptune, that was a foreign concept. Even amongst themselves they couldn't just forget what happened. Weevil would never forgive Logan for being the one Lilly openly chose, just as Logan would never forgive Weevil for being with Lilly in secret. But they were at least semi civil to each other on Veronica's behalf. Likewise Mac would never forgive Dick the slights he'd given her as Cassidy's girlfriend and Dick couldn't get over the fact that Mac was a better friend to his brother then he himself had ever managed to be. But they were able to see that as long as the other was around, there was someone else who understood their pain. Maybe there was something in the water.

It always came back to that. Logan knew her, inside and out. He could tell better than anyone what she needed. He had shown that just now. It had taken everything in her to hold her tongue while Gorya had been in her face. Every instinct she had had screamed at her to reach under the table and into her bag, to teach him a lesson. But she'd held herself in check, unwilling to provoke the man who had 'connections.' Yet she had been unable to suppress the slight shiver that ran down her spine when he had grabbed her chair, the tremble that was almost completely invisible to everyone else but that had spiked her own temper. That barely discernable showing of fear had made her want to taser him even more, to prove she wasn't afraid, but she had known she couldn't.

Logan had seen it though. He had known exactly what it meant, had understood exactly how hard it was for her to let it go. He on the other hand, couldn't. His protective streak was so ingrained that she was pretty sure her words had no effect at all, except to slow him down. He'd always been that way, except for that time between Lilly's death and his mother's. He had been coming to her rescue since they were 12 years old. And she was fairly certain he'd continue to do it till it killed him. And that thought terrified her more then Gorya had.

Despite what she had said to him at the Grand, she didn't want him out of her life. That thought scared the hell out of her. As long as Logan was around, she knew who she was. Without him, she wasn't sure. He was this huge part of her life. And he was the only person who knew everything there was to know about her and still accept her. And she would much rather keep him in her life, even as only a friend, then continue this façade with Piz.

Piz wasn't sure what had just happened. But he was pretty sure that the guy laying on the floor, bleeding at Veronica's feet, had met the same fate as he had a few days before. What he didn't get was why Veronica was looking at Logan's back the way she was. The guy was crazy. He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near Veronica. But there she stood, five feet away, with a look of utter awe and devotion on her face.


End file.
